When Noin Goes Bad
by Diesha
Summary: When noin's calm personalty goes a little wack Rated R for language and some jokes that are for older readers
1. Default Chapter

When Noin goes bad  
  
*Duo and Trowa are cooking for a dinner party. *  
  
Dou-Damn this! Hilde and Noin should be doing this, not us!  
Trowa-Well Hilde is at the store…but I don't know where Noin is, you know where she is?  
Duo- no, but lets find her and make her do the cooking!  
  
* Trowa is staring at a peeler and a carrot wondering what the fuck to do with the two. *  
  
Trowa- Ahhh…maybe that's a good idea.  
  
* The two start to look around for Noin yelling her name. They find Quatre setting the table *  
  
Quatre- Hey guys. Looking for Noin heh?  
  
Duo- Yeah, have you seen her?  
  
Quatre- Yeah… about an hour ago. She said she was going to take a nap and not to bug her.  
  
Trowa- Did she go in her room?  
  
Quatre- Yeah. But she said not to bug her.  
  
Duo- Ohhh….she wont mind. We just want her help  
  
* Duo and Trowa walk over to Noin's room door and knock *  
  
Duo- Noin you there?  
  
Noin-muhahah  
  
* Duo and Trowa look at each other with the huge anime sweat drops *  
  
Duo- Come on Noin we need your help.  
  
Noin- Go away you little gay looking, long haired, 15 year old punk!  
  
* Duo falls back on his butt…blood drips from his nose in the classical "shock nose bleed" way *  
  
Trowa- was that Noin?!  
  
Duo- Me no baka but that sounded just like Noin!  
  
Trowa- Ahhh…ahhh…maybe I will try. Noin you ok?  
  
Noin- Is that you, son?!  
  
Trowa- Ahhh…nooo….this is just trowa!  
  
Noin- son!  
  
* Noin slams open the door… (there's Noin dressed in heero's pants and that ugly coy boy shirt)…grabs   
trowa by the shirt and drags him in the room…closes the door and locks it *  
  
Duo- TROWA?! NOIN?!  
^ Duo thinks…Oh my gosh! Was that Noin?! ^  
  
* Wufei and Quatre hearing all the noise run over to duo who is still sitting on the floor, in front of Noin's   
door *   
  
Wufei- Duo what is your fucken problem?!   
  
Duo- ITS NOIN! You guys noin has gone crazy!  
  
Quatre- yeah right Duo.  
  
* just then they hear Trowa scream behind the door *  
  
Trowa- SHIT! YOU GUYS SHES DRESSING ME IN A PINK DRESS!  
  
* the three gundam boys get a huge sweat drop on the back of their head *   
  
Duo- Ahhh…guys….you see my point?  
  
Quatre- do you look good in pink, trowa?  
  
* Duo smacks Quatre over the head*   
  
Duo- shut up fem boy!  
  
Quatre- sheesh! Just asking!  
  
* Wufei starts to pound on the door *   
  
Wufei- Noin you come out here right now!   
  
Noin- ohhh…don't you dare talk to me little weakling!  
  
* Quatre and Duo hit the deck *   
  
Wufei- WHAT DID YOU CALL ME WOMAN?! DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE!!!!!  
  
Noin- * Snickers * I don't fight weak people!   
  
* Wufei starts to glow…he gets blond hair and green eyes *  
  
Quatre- HEY! Wrong story!   
  
Duo- Wow Wufei looks weird with blond hair! Dude you should get it died that color!  
  
WUFEI- DAMNIT WOMAN! I COULD HAVE KILLLED YOU BEFORE , AND I WILL NOW!  
  
Duo- Wow, wow Wufei slow down there. We can't kill Noin!  
  
Trowa- AHHH!!!!! SHES PUTTING PINK BOWS IN MY HAIR!  
  
Duo- Heh…ummm….I guess we could just ahhh….well lets find out whats wrong with her first!  
  
Quatre- On the count of the tree, we all slam the door open, got it?  
  
Duo- ok.  
Quatre-1….2…3…now!  
  
* the three gundam boys smash open the door….and yes trowa is in a pink dress with pink bows…noin's   
face is covered in red nail polish.*   
  
Quatre- HAHAHA! Trowa's in my dress!  
  
Duo- Your dress?!  
  
Quatre- I mean my sisters dress!  
  
Duo-"sure"  
  
Trowa- YOU GUYS!? Who cares about who's dress is it just get if off me…please?   
  
* the gundam boys look at trowa realizing that he is tied up *  
  
Duo- Course this could be a Kodak moment!  
  
Trowa- DAMNIT DUO, I SWEAR I WILL RIP THAT BRAID OUT OF YOUR HEAD IF YOU TAKE A   
PHOTO OF ME LIKE THIS!!!!!!  
  
Duo- gosh trowa I was joking!  
  
* Wufei and Duo untie poor Trowa *   
  
Duo- Dude what's wrong with noin?   
  
Trowa- I don't know! She was covered in nail polish!  
  
Quatre- nail polish? I heard people can get high off that stuff!  
  
Wufei- You think noin has been sniffing nail polish, and that's what making her go wacko?!  
  
Quatre- It's an idea.  
  
Duo- guys… where IS noin?  
  
Trowa- Oh my gosh noin's gone!  
  
* The gundam boys look around the room…*   
  
Duo- Guys I think I found noin…or what's left of her.  
  
Quatre: what do you mean "what left of her"?!  
  
Duo- Look dude…. * Duo points in side of the closet and the four boys look in *  
  
( there's noin…covered in blue, black, brown, red, pink, purple, yellow, glitter, sea green and navy nail   
polishes. Her hair looks like a rat's nest, she has a gun in one of her hands and a frying pan in the other. She   
is flopped over on one side with her eyes closed)  
  
Wufei- Dude! Is she dead?!  
  
Trowa- Well I am not getting near her!  
  
Duo- Me either!  
  
Wufei- fine I will….* Wufei taps noin on the shoulder…noin moves a little*  
  
Duo- SHES ALIVE!!!  
  
Trowa- what are we going to do with her?  
  
Quatre- OH my gosh!  
  
Duo- what?  
  
Quatre- she hit herself over the head with the frying pan and it knocked her out cold!  
  
Wufei- uhhh…is it just me or WHY would anyone want to ahhh….hit themselves over the head with a   
frying pan?  
  
Trowa- It could be the nail polish.  
  
Duo- I know! Let's get Heero…he may know what to do…I hope.  
  
Quatre- where is he?  
  
Duo- I think he's at the store with Hilde  
  
Wufei- Me and Quatre will watch over noin while you guys get Heero and Hilde.  
  
*Duo and Trowa leave the house to go looking for Heero*  
  
Quatre- Damn! I have never seen Noin like this, she is normally so calm and stuff.  
  
Wufei- * mumbles* little bitch *mumbles*  
  
Quatre- Ah, wait now noin's not a bitch…just a little crazy.   
  
*Heero throws open the rooms door with trowa, Hilde and duo following*  
  
Wufei- Back already?  
  
Duo- Heero was just a little ways up the street.  
  
* Heero looks at noin*   
  
Heero- Yup, its the nail polish.  
  
Duo- No shit sherlock! What are we going to do with her?!  
  
Heero- We could just kill her.  
  
Wufei- Can I kill her? Please? Pretty please?  
  
Quatre- YOU GUYS CANNOT KILL NOIN!  
  
Heero- Quatre may be right wufei. This is noin we are talking about.  
  
Wufei-…ok…I guess…  
  
Heero- I don't know what to do with her then, how about we just let her sleep it off?  
  
Wufei- * thinking he really would love noin just OUT of the house* WHY DON'T WE LOCK HER IN   
THE NUT HOUSE?!  
** They ignore Wufei**   
  
Quatre- Sure, if we tie her up I am fine with letting her sleep it off.  
  
Heero- Hand me the rope quatre.  
  
* Quatre hands heero the rope that trowa was tied up in, heero ties her hands up *  
  
Heero- there that should do it!  
  
Duo- Ok if u think so…  
  
Wufei- You have any ideas, Hilde?  
  
*Hilde just shakes her head "no" *  
  
Quatre- closes the closest door with Noin inside.  
  
2 hours later * All the gundam boys are eating at the table with Zechs, Lady Une, and Dorothy. *  
  
Zechs- Where's noin guys?  
  
Duo- ahhh…she is not feeling well so she won't be joining us tonight.  
  
Zechs- Ok…  
  
--------tweet!--------  
  
Zechs- what was that?  
  
* Wufei leans over to Quatre and whispers in his ear *  
  
Wufei- that had better not be noin.  
  
------TWEET! --------  
  
Zechs- Heero, did you get a bird?  
  
Heero- Ah…yeah! A bird…* Sweat drop *  
  
------AHHHH------  
  
-Heero- A dying bird!  
  
Zechs- A dying bird?  
  
Heero- yup! A good ol' dying bird!   
  
----MOOOO-----  
  
Zechs- Heero?  
  
* Heero leans over to duo and whispers *  
  
Heero- We are DEAD if he finds noin tied up, WITH my pants on, with nail polish al over her face?! YOU   
know what that looks like?!  
  
-----MOOO------  
  
* Duo drops his fork shacking *   
  
Heero- AH the bad part of buying hamburger meat in bulk!   
  
Wufei- yeah…heh, we love hamburgers!   
  
------THE SKY IS FALLING!-----  
  
Zechs- that sounded like noin…  
  
Heero- ohh she just has a hell of a fever…  
  
Zechs- is she ok?! I need to see her!  
  
Wufei- NO!  
Heero- NO!  
Quatre- NO!  
Duo- NO!  
Trowa- NO!  
  
------OH MY GOODNESS ITS ELVIS!! HE SOO CUTE!-----  
  
Zechs- that's it! Where's noin!?  
  
Heero- Une, dorthy I think you two better leave now.  
  
:: they gladly leave the house and walk away::  
  
--------ELVIS JUTS TURNED INTO THE GATWAY COW!----  
  
* Zechs get himself up from the table and walks over to Noin's door, the gundam boys shoot in front of   
him*  
  
Heero- ahhh zechs you can't go in there!  
  
------OH MY GOSH ELVIS JUST TURNED INTO BILL GATES ITS SOO UGLY!!! HELP!!!!!!!!--------  
  
Zechs- why?  
  
Heero- ahh….ahh… * huge anime sweat drop *  
  
-----BILL GATES JUST TURND INTO A T-REX!!!!!-----  
  
Zechs- what is wrong with noin?!  
  
---- THE T-REX JUST TURNED INTO SADUMHUSAIN----  
  
Trowa- makes sense…….   
  
------THE T-REX JUST GOT A RIFLE!!!!-----HES APART OF THE NRS!!!!-----  
  
*Zechs slams open the door to her room*  
  
------AHHHH SAIOR MOON HAS COME TO GET ME---------  
  
* Zechs opens up the closet door *  
  
Zechs- NOIN?!  
  
----Noin- sailor moon just turned into Zechs…wow they look alike! ---  
  
:: noin jumps up and starts running around the room screaming "chibi chibi!" ::   
  
Zechs- noin whats wrong?!  
  
Noin- chibi…chibi..  
  
Zechs- OH my goodness she's wearing heero's pants!!!!!!! HEERO!!!  
  
Heero- NO…NO ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!  
:: Heero runs away::   
  
zech's- so what are we going to do with her?   
  
Duo- I say we put her in a crazy bin.  
  
* Wufei smacks his forehead *  
Wufei- I wonder where the hell u got that idea!!! MAYBE I GAVE THAT VERY IDEA TO YOU GUYS   
WHEN SHE FIRST STARTED ACTING UP!!!!   
  
* They ignore wufei*   
  
Zechs- DUO?!  
  
Duo- LOOK AT HER!!!!! OR BETTER YET LISTEN TO HER!!  
  
Zechs- what's wrong with her?  
  
Duo- We think it's the nail polish.  
  
Zechs- well lets take away the nail polish!  
  
Duo- We can't find the nail polish anywhere.  
  
Zechs- well look for it!  
  
:: the gundam boys start to look for the nail polish with zechs::  
  
^ 10 Minutes later ^  
Wufei- guys…….I think I found it…  
  
:: wufei lifts the bed mattress showing hundreds of bottles of nail polish in every color possible::   
  
Duo- SHIT! THAT'S ONE BIG MOTHER FUCKING LOAD OF NAIL POLISH!   
  
Wufei- ddaaaammnnn  
  
:: quatre picks up a bottle of pink nail polish and slips it in his pocket::  
  
Heero- Quatre why don't you take a purple and rainbow colored nail polish too?  
  
Quatre-whaaa…HEY!   
  
Trowa- he already as those colors in his bed room.  
  
:: zechs, wufei, duo and heero turn their faces s-l-o-w-l-y to look at trowa.::  
  
Heero- say what?  
  
Wufei- you were in his room?  
  
^ duo being the big mouth and just comes out with it ^  
  
Duo- TROWA HAD SEX WITH QUATRE!  
  
Trowa- HELL NO! OH FUCK NO.!!!.OH GROSS SICK EWWWWWWW! Quatre was out of town and   
he has a damn sexy sister! Well two very sexy sisters..uhh….5 very sexy sisters…uhh-   
  
Quatre- AHHH!!! YOU HAD SEX WITH 5 OF MY SISTERS?!  
  
Trowa-no! you didn't let me Finnish! I think it was around….7 or 8  
  
Quatre- TROWA?!  
  
Trowa- WHAT?! The others are too old for me!  
  
Zechs- yeah Linda was my age…sexy as hell…  
  
Wufei- I thought heather was cuter.  
  
Heero- Sara beats Relena in bed and out by a mile.  
  
:: Quatre just passes out::  
  
Zechs- any ways…….moving on…well lets get all the nail polish out of her room  
  
^^^ 2 weeks later ^^^  
  
duo- NOIN'S LOST IT AGAIN!!!!  
  
Wufei- OK, when we find, her if we do, I get to kill her this time right?  
  
Duo- ehh….I will think about it  
  
::wufei and duo start looking around for noin but wufei has his gun out and has this weird kinda smile. %10   
minutes later % they find quatre,trowa, and heero all in a large circle standing up looking down at   
something on the grass.. heero looks up hearing the two boys running toward them::   
  
Heero- Oh we should have told them.  
  
Duo- told us what?  
  
:: quatre and trowa break away from the circle……..and wufei and duo see noin on all fours chasing a   
mouse with her mouth open in…a circle::   
  
Duo- ehh…ehh…  
  
Wufei- what the fuck is she doing?  
  
Trowa- :: laughing:: I don't know but its really funny.  
  
Quatre- she goes around and around…chasing the poor mouse.  
  
Wufei- why is her mouth open?  
  
Heero- maybe she wants to eat it?  
  
Duo- FOR HEAVENS SAKE SAVE THE POOR MOUSE, get it away form her!  
  
Trowa- we tried to let the mouse run away from her, but she just chased after it all the way down and up the   
street.  
  
Duo- ehh…pick it up and hide it..  
  
Quatre- tried that too…she umm attacked heero every time he took it away from her.  
  
:: wufei pulls out his gun and aims for noin::  
  
Heero- you know wufei, that Zechs is just around the corner trying to find a place to hind the mouse..  
  
Wufei- Zechs?  
  
:: wufei puts his gun back and gets a lil haylow over his head::  
  
Heero- lets just leave her chasing the mouse.  
  
Duo- ehh…ok..  
  
:: the 5 gundam boys walk back inside with Zechs they sit down at a table::  
  
Duo- so what is it this time?  
  
Heero- we are thinking it's the nail polish again…  
  
Duo- ohh..but how did she get any nail polish? We took it all away from her.  
  
:: heero shrugs::  
  
Heero- how am I supposed to know? She's the only one that wears nail polish in the house….wait  
  
:: Quatre is slowly walking out the door::  
  
Trowa- Oh no you don't :: trowa rips him back forcing him to sit back down::  
  
Quatre- WHHAA! I didn't think she would find it! I just had one bottle of pink that's all!  
  
Wufei- damn it!  
  
Duo- oh fuck…  
  
Heero- well lets just let it wear off, like it did the last times.  
  
Zechs- guys, I have been thinking since the last time noin was being weird. Maybe….just maybe, we   
should get her some help…professional help.   
  
Wufei- HAHAH YES!!! SEE THEIRS MY IDEA RIGHT THERE I WAS RIGHT!  
* they ignore him*   
  
Duo- yeah that's what I was thinking.  
  
Wufei- WHAT?! WHAT?! YOU WERE THINKING?!   
  
* they ignore him*  
  
Trowa- so what….umm…craz- I mean professional help place were you thinking about Zechs?  
  
Zechs- well, how about Red Apple Drug Abuse center?   
  
Wufei- YES! YES! MUHAHAHA FINALLY A DAY WITHOUT THE BITCH NOIN!!!!!! PEACE ON   
EARTH AND GOOD WILL TO WUFEI!!!!!  
* they ignore him*  
  
Quatre- how much does it cost?  
  
Zechs- around $300 a week and that's with her own padded room  
  
Trowa- OUCH! That's a high price!  
  
Heero- how much is the shared room price?  
  
Zechs- $200  
  
Duo- well we could all pitch in our money and get $200   
  
Trowa- sounds good to me.  
  
Heero- yeah  
  
Quatre- ummm ok…  
  
Wufei- YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
* they ignore him*  
  
Zechs- ok then lets get her in the car and drive her there.  
  
^% 10 minutes later she's in the car and I really don't want to say how they got her in there but…lets just   
say there's a mouse tail hanging out of her mouth %^  
  
:: wufei is just sitting in the back of the car saying " I finally got justice!! YES MUHAHAHA"  
  
^% 20 minutes later they arrive at the crazy bin %^  
  
  
  
  



	2. PEACE ON EARTH AND GOOD WILL TO WUFEI ( ...

Peace On Earth And Good Will To Wufei  
  
( follow up - ^% 20 minutes later they arrive at the crazy bin %^)  
  
Zechs- Hun were here, get out of the car noin.   
  
Noin- where are we?  
  
Zechs- A nice place just for you!  
  
Noin- AH ITS QUEEN BERYL COME TO TAKE ME TO HER EVIL DOMAIN!  
  
^ Duo, Heero, Quatre, and trowa are sitting in the car trying not to laugh at the fact that noin keeps mistaking Zechs for female chars. Wufei is just sitting there rubbing his hands together with an evil smirk on his face dreaming about not having noin around^   
  
:: The gundam boys walk up to the building, zechs holding noins hand ...they walk up to the desk::  
  
Receptionist- hello.  
  
Heero- Hello we would like to admit a someone into your clinic.  
  
Receptionist- Oh? Do u have an appointment?  
  
:: Heero turns around and looks at Zechs- Zechs shrugs forgetting if he arranged it or not::  
  
Wufei- I DID! I DID, I CALLED FOR AN APPOINTMENT FOR NOIN!   
* they ignore him*  
  
Heero- I don't know you might have to check....  
  
:: the Receptionist opens up her book::  
  
Receptionist- Ah yes you do, come right this way please, the doctor would like to talk to you about the patient.  
  
:: the Receptionist leads them to a room and they all sit down, noin is....::^.^;;glulp ^.^;;chewing the mouse ...and we all hear small squeaking noises...( oh yeah you all scream "poor mouse!")   
  
Doctor: so...noin I hear you have been sniffing bad things lately.   
  
Noin- Not bad, good! Damn you, you are bad! nail polish good! VERY, VERY GOOD!   
  
Doctor: why do you say nail polish is good?  
  
:: noin leans over and whispers in the doctors ear::  
  
Noin- when I sniff nail polish, wufei isn't as ugly anymore.   
  
Doctor: oh, so does wufei scare you?  
  
:: noin nods::  
  
Wufei: WHAT?! WHAT?! I SCARE HER?! SHE'S THE ONE THAT SCARES ME, THAT CRAZY BITCH!  
Doctor: please Mr. Wufei restrain yourself!  
  
Wufei- NO I WILL NOT! I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THAT BLOOD SUCKING BITCH FOR YEARS!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!  
  
Doctor: NURSE RESTRAIN HIM!  
  
:: the nurse runs in with two very large men, they put a straight jacket on wufei::  
  
Doctor: It looks as if you will be admitting more then one person in our clinic?  
  
Trowa- maybe that's best...wufei has been really quite lately, I'm a bit worried about him.   
  
Quatre- yeah he hasn't been saying much lately.   
  
Doctor- tell me does wufei hold a threat to noin?  
  
Heero- no I don't think so.   
  
Doctor: perfect....nurse please show wufei to a room ok? I want to talk to noin a little more.  
  
: The nurse leads away the gagged and bond wufei- they put him in a nice padded white room::  
  
Wufei- peace....peace at last....no noin.....no heero......no trowa.....no gay quatre....no long haired freaks...: wufei looks around and sighs happily- he hears a nurse open the door and look inside his cell::   
  
Nurse- oh Mr. Wufei your friends out there arranged a surprise for you!  
  
*Wufei wonders what type of surprise the other gundam boys could have arranged for him*   
  
Nurse- You get to have a friend stay with you.  
  
Wufei- huh?  
  
:: Noin walks in the cell where wufei is::  
  
Nurse- they agreed to let noin stay in the same room with u!  
  
Wufei- NO! NO! NO PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!  
  
Noin- HEY WUFEI!  
  
Nurse- Oh I can see you two will just get along wonderfully!   
  
Wufei- NO! NO! U CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!   
  
:: the nurse closes the door and slides the little window on the door closed::  
  
Wufei- YOU JUSTICE SUCKING BITCH YOU!!!  
  
:: noin grabs wufei and gives his a classic nuggy::  
  
Noin- I LOVE YOU TOO WUFEI!  
  
Wufei- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heero- I think I heard wufei are you sure he's going to be ok, doctor?  
  
Doctor- oh yes, him being with a friend may help the trauma.   
  
Trowa- ohhhh I see.....  
  
Duo- well we better go home...  
  
Doctor- call us in a week and we will tell you how the two of them are doing.  
  
Heero- alright.   
  
  
  
!@#$ One Week Later !@#$  
  
* on the phone *Heero- hello, doctor. How are they doing?   
  
* on the phone *Doctor- well Ms. Noin is going very well with the nail polish out of her system, but your friend wufei is not doing so well. I think you should come down here and take a look...alone.   
  
* on the phone *Heero- be right over.  
  
  
:: 30 minutes later heero is at the clinic and the doctor meets him::  
  
Heero- so what's wrong with wufei?   
  
Doctor- well you better have a look at him, we have never had a case like him.  
  
:: the doctor opens up a door inside is all glass walls....there wufei running around in circles chancing his pony tail::  
  
Heero- what the fuck is he doing?  
  
Doctor: well he's doing a very dog like mannerism, like a dog chasing his tail?  
  
Heero- uuhhhh huuuuhhh....I see that...uh I guess the question is....why?  
  
Doctor- I'm not very sure...  
  
Heero- has he been doing anything else out of the ordinary?  
  
Doctor- his hair has been turning blond and...he's eyes turn green at times. Other then that screaming on and on about justice and being the prince of some group of people...this may sound crazy but his hair sticks straight up in the air when he does these things.  
  
:: heero stares at the author...- u really have a hard time keeping the stories straight don't you?  
Author- I know the animes damn it . it's just funny! You know him being vegeta in all.  
Heero- funny? Funny? You call it funny to make slicked-back-haired-gel-loving-gunadm-polit into a porcupine covered in mustard?   
Author - that's not mustard that's him going SSJ.  
Heero- ohh so when he's fighting the bad guys he screams " cut! I have to put mustard on my hair and the green contacts in to kick your ass!"  
Author- no but- wait I' m fighting with my char...that's wrong anyway go on..."  
  
Heero- anything else?  
  
Doctor- he has been requesting a song called the " drunken gohan song"   
  
Heero- What's wrong with him?  
  
Doctor- like I said I don't know but we think keeping him alone in his own cell would be the worst thing to do   
  
Heero- Oh? Well is noin ready to go home?  
  
Doctor- yes, she's just fine now. Just keep the nail polish away from here at all times.   
  
Heero- who will wufei be staying with now that noin is going home?  
  
Doctor- a very calm man, that's in here for sever depression.  
  
Heero- oh I see...well where is noin?  
  
Doctor- she's waiting for you in the other room  
  
:: the doctor leads heero to a room where noin is sitting down ::  
  
Noin- hello heero, I just wanted to say how deeply sorry I'm for causing all the trouble.  
  
Heero- Oh its alight noin. Well ready to go home?  
  
Noin- yeah, but what around wufei? He was a wreck when I finally came back to my senses, screaming day and night.   
  
Heero- he's gonna stay here a little while longer...  
  
Noin- Oh I see, well I miss Zechs can we go home now?  
  
Heero- sure.  
  
:: heero and noin drive away and go back home meanwhile poor wufei....::  
  
:: Wufei twitches hearing the door unlock::   
  
Wufei- who is there?!  
  
Nurse- we brought you a new friend...  
  
Wufei- bring him in here and I will kill him!  
  
Nurse- now now wufei he's a very nice man.  
  
Wufei- I'm not gay like those other long haired freaks! you dumb bitch!  
  
Nurse- come inside Mr. Wufei's cell Mr. Duncan   
  
:: a small plump man walks in that has blond hair to the floor, he's wearing hippie's stuff and has about everything on his face priced....nose...eyebrow...lips...tongue...u get the idea::  
  
:: wufei's eye twitches at the sight of the man's bright stuff::   
Wufei- who are yoooouuuuu? * growling*  
  
Duncan- I'm Duncan, barney's helper!  
  
Wufei- heh heh, nurse can I kill him?  
  
Nurse- I hope you two get along!  
  
( he hears the door close)  
  
Duncan- you look sad Chinese man! Ha ha that rimes!   
  
Wufei- Can I stuff you in a bag, fag? Heh heh that rimes too!  
  
Duncan- aww that's not very nice! We have to learn to love each other!  
  
:: wufei narrows one eye as his other bulges out of his head::  
  
Wufei- You know what I would love to do?  
  
Duncan- love everyone in the world?  
  
Wufei- no, to rip everyone of your rings slowly out of your skin.  
  
Duncan- BAD! VERY BAD!  
  
Wufei- now your going to help me get out of this place or I will rip everyone of your rings out of you face   
understand?  
  
Duncan- yeeesss....  
  
Wufei- Now I want you to go over to the door and scream that wufei is killing you.  
  
Duncan- ok?  
  
Wufei- DO IT NOW!  
  
Duncan- ok ok...:: cough cough:: NURSE SAVE ME WUFEI IS KILLING ME!! SAVE ME SAVE ME!   
  
:: the run opens the door....wufei dashes out::  
  
Wufei- muahaha free at last!   
  
Person in the hall way- HEY GET THAT MAN HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUT!  
  
Wufei- uh oh...  
  
:: wufei runs out of the building::   
  
Wufei- ahh! The light its blinding!   
  
:: wufei runs away and hinds in the bush::  
  
Wufei- muhahahaha  
  
* just then a giant bird poop lands on wufei*  
  
Wufei- grr...eww...  
  
:: wufei runs down the street covered in green bird poop ::  
  
wufei- I finally got justice!! YES MUHAHAHA  
  
  
  
  
The end? Tell me if I should make part 3 . This is just another insane fic by Diesha ( if u think this is insane try reading "INSANE" or " the weirdest GW fan fic you will ever read") OH review this please? Maybe? If you have time? OH and if you have time.....which if u don't I would understand.....sniff.....tell me does the "script" style type of writing bug you? like the Wufei- blah ---kinda look annoying?  
  



	3. bad luck for wufei part 3 of when noin g...

A few words of warning before you read this. This part of the " When Noin Goes Bad" fan fics contains more umm...perversion then normal ( not extreme, but never the less a lot more then the other ones) and one more warning -this contains SEVER immature humor. OH! And I didn't check for grammar/spelling in this one, takes too damn long, got a prob with that? FUCK YOU!   
  
  
  
::wufei ran down the street with the bird poop dripping off his face and clothes, ten minutes later he realized running on foot was not going to get him anywhere fast, then again he didn't know where to go. Wufei then started to look around frantically for some sort of quick transportation::  
  
Wufei- ARG! I don't know how to hot wire a car...maybe I can tell someone that I'm the evil bird poop monster and if they don't give me their car I will eat them alive...yeah that might work...wait!  
  
::Wufei stops running and stared at a lady pushing a baby carriage down the road.::  
  
Wufei- hehehehe...perfect...  
  
::Wufei runs up to the lady ,pushsher a side, jumps in the baby carriage and starts to roll down the side walk. ::  
  
Wufei- MUAHAHA that's what I call justice!  
  
Lady- WHA!! STOP THAT BOY! HE STOLE MY BABY! HELP!!!  
  
Wufei- baby?  
  
::Wufei looked down and lifted a pink blanket up::  
  
Baby- goo?  
  
::Wufei screams high pitch::  
  
Baby- go ga ga?  
  
Wufei- AHHHHH!!!!! SAVE ME, IT'S A BABY! Wait...pink...PINK, THAT MEANS IT'S A WORTHLESS WOMAN BABY!!! I DO NOT FEAR WOMAN!!  
  
::Wufei- picks up the baby and throws it out of the carriage. MUAHAHA JUSTICE!!::  
  
::The baby hits the side walk and gets up and turns into the demon baby of doom ( O.o). Grows fangs and gets all hairy ( O.o;;)::  
  
Baby- HISSSS!   
  
::Wufei looks back and sees the hissing baby::  
  
Wufei- eww proves my point, that all woman are ugly(oh and you thought quatre was gay O.o)  
  
::The scary baby chases the carriage containing wufei::  
  
Wufei- ew the thing likes me, its coming after me! MUST GO FASTER  
  
::Wufei starts to look around for something to push the carriage to go faster down hill, he sees an old man walking down the sidewalk with a cane::  
  
Wufei- must be my lucky day!  
  
::Wufei swerves the carriage and knocks down the old man ,sending the cane flying in the air, wufei reaches up and grabs the cane::  
  
Baby jumps up and lands in the carriage then starts to attack wufei  
  
Wufei starts to beat the scary-baby-thing with the cane   
  
Wufei- DIE!!!   
  
::Then the classic, shitting bird flies over the carriage and aims for wufei's head::  
  
Wufei- AHH, DIE LAXATIVE BIRD!!  
  
::Wufei then hits the bird with the cane sending the birds poop right on top of the baby's head, wufei then grabs the bird and starts to beat the baby with the bird ::   
  
Baby- GOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
::The baby falls out of the carriage...::  
  
Wufei- JUSTICE!!  
  
::Just then wufei's carriage falls into a man hole ( you know those holes in the street that lead down to the city sewer) Wufei's carriage lands in the sewer water and starts to float down...uhh stream?::  
Wufei- well at least there are no laxative birds down here, to aim their fire power of doom at me.  
Laxative bird- ~fart~  
::Wufei looks down to see that the lax bird is still in the carriage::  
Wufei- AHHHHH!!  
Laxative bird- ~FAAARRRTTT~ ( you see it farts for communication)  
Wufei- DIE!!  
::Wufei bites lax birds head off::  
::The sewer rats raise their paws and bow::  
Rats- OH HALE THE BAT KILLER, OZZY!   
::Wufei's eye twitches...::  
  
2 weeks later...At the other gundam boys house  
Quatre- isn't it nice without wufei here, so peaceful....  
Heero- yeah, wonder what happened to the weirdo anyway  
Quatre- most likely got ran over by a car or something...  
Duo- I think we should at least look for him, or maybe put up missing posters.  
::Trowa looks up from the newspaper he was reading on the floor::  
Trowa- yeah I can see it now " MISSING! Ugly, short, Chinese man. Help us find him, he needs medication!" heh heh   
Duo-...yeah that might work.  
Quatre- look wufei, none of us want him back so if your so gun-ho about finding him why don't you go look for him yourself.  
Duo- hmph! I might just do that  
::Duo grabs the car keys and walks out the door slamming it shut.::  
Heero- why do you think he cares so much?  
Quatre- maybe he likes him...  
Trowa- wouldn't be surprised...  
Meanwhile...  
::Duo is starting to look all around for wufei...::  
And meanwhile in the sewer-  
::Wufei is starting to hallucinate because of eating laxative bird meat : ( well come on the dude has been in the sewer for 2 weeks, he would get hungery)  
Wufei- TELL ME WHERE YOUR COMRADES ARE!!  
Rat- squeak  
Wufei- OH YOU LITTLE LIAR!!  
Rat- squeak  
Wufei- I KNOW YOUR FELLOW SOLDERS ARE NOT UP MY ASS, YOU CAN'T PULL THAT ONE ON ME!! I'M TOO SMART FOR YOU!  
Rat-squeak...( what wufei hears- wufei I love you!)  
Wufei- is that you , noin?  
Rat- squeak ( what wufei hears- oh my pretty wufei)  
Wufei- AHHHHH!!! YOU BITCH, YOU FOUND ME!!  
Rat- squeak ( what wufei hears- Look around you, I'm everywhere! No escape!! )   
:: Wufei looks around at all the rats...( what wufei sees- the rats grow noin faces)::  
Wufei- AHH!!!!  
Wufei- grabs one of the rats and starts to choke it  
Dying rat- squeakkkkk ( what wufei hears- its no matter * cough* I'm everywhere...even if you kill me I will live on, to haunt you!)  
Wufei- NO! ITS NOT TRUE!  
::All the rats start to raise their paws and do the wave...( not a hallucination, these are special rats ; o ) ::  
Rats- OH HALE OZZY!! ( what wufei hears- MUAHAHAHA -*noin type voice*)  
::The rats jump on wufei and start to attack him for unknown reasons...::  
Wufei- ARG!! HELP!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! NOIN IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!  
::Wufei jumps out of the baby carriage and climbs up the man hole ladder. Then he jumps out of the man hole, clawing and pulling off rats. Wufei pulls a rat off his face and looks straight ahead to see a car straight ahead of him::  
( lesson- boys and girls just so we all know wufei is in the middle of the street because man holes are in the middle of the street)  
Duo- AHH GET OUT OF THE WAY!  
!@#$%^&* CRASH !!@#$%%^^&*  
::wufei is lying on the street in a bloody mess...::  
::Duo jumps out of the car and runs over to the bloody body::  
Duo- wufei?! OH I'M SO SORRY WUFEI! I DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT YOU!  
Wufei- *cough* its ok, finally I will have some peace...  
::Wufei dies...::  
Duo- NO!!!!!!   
Meanwhile the angel wufei is floating up...  
Angel wufei-...wait...that's my body down there! Ew I grew a beard...oh that's right, I couldn't shave in the sewer...*sigh* I'm so happy...peace, at last  
Angel wufei arrives at the judgement gate...  
Angel- now we will go over all the bad and good things you have done...  
Wufei- uh oh...  
Angel- eating a bird...shame on you! a poor helpless bird!  
Wufei- that bird was evil!  
Angel- trying to kill poor noin...HOW COULD YOU?!  
Wufei- oh shut up  
Angel- telling an angel to shut up, tsk tsk  
Wufei- HEY THAT DOESN'T GO ON MY RECORD!!   
Angel- oh yes it does, now back to what bad things you have done...  
Wufei- grrr  
Angel- molesting a gundam! ^ GASP ^  
:: wufei gets anime sweat drops ::  
wufei- you saw that?  
Angel- no, just checking. Heh heh  
Wufei- GRR!!!   
Angel- hmm hmm....YOU'RE A CRACK DEALER!  
Wufei- right, now that's bull...  
Angel- nope, nope. It says right here.. you fond a baggie of white stuff when you were little and someone came up to you, and told you if you gave them they baggie they would give you a lollypop.  
Wufei- THAT DOESN'T COUNT! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS..  
Angel- no excuses! Now it says right here you have a tattoo...on your...SHAME ON YOU!  
Wufei blushes..  
Wufei- I got it removed...  
Angel- pull down your pants and lets see  
::Wufei pulls down his pants and there is a cute, little, pink butterfly tattoo on his butt cheek...::  
Angel- no you didn't. I SENTIENCE YOU TO ETERNITY IN HELL!  
::The sky opens up and swallows wufei, next thing he knows he's in hell. A little tea cup walks up to him::  
  
Tea cup- hello, I'm Satan  
Wufei- HAHAHA, bull shit   
::The tea cup whacks him over the head::  
Wufei- ow! Little bastard  
Tea cup- bow to me!  
Wufei- how about...no  
Tea cup- YES!  
Wufei- NO!  
Tea cup- YESSS!!  
Wufei- shut up before I sit on you  
:: the tea cup grows a noin face and goes BOO!::  
::Wufei Screams::  
Wufei- OH DON'T HURT ME!!! PLEASE  
Tea cup changes into...tea cup  
Tea cup- bow to me!  
::Wufei bows to the...tea cup::  
Tea cup- YAY! Now I want you to meat my friends  
A sugar bowl, a tea pot, a plate and a spoon appear  
Tea cup- this is sugar bowl, plate, -  
Wufei- yeah, yeah I get the point, it's a tea pot and a spoon  
Tea cup- Oh I see you have met before!  
Wufei- yah sure...you know this doesn't really seem like hell...  
Tea cup- course this isn't hell! YOU WANNA SEE HELL?!  
The tea cup and pate and spoon and sugar bowl turn into tellatubies ( how ever that's spelled)  
Wufei-...yeah ok...scary?  
It turns back into a tea cup...  
Tea cup- YES SCARY!   
Wufei- yeah, you know your annoying don't you  
Tea cup - I try...I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves.  
Wufei- oh, lovely...  
Tea cup- I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. I'm a little tea cup, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout.  
Wufei-...you know you don't have a spout, right?  
Tea cup- ...  
Wufei- hey, where is all the fire and forever damnation and torture...  
Tea cup- oh is that what their telling the kids for bed time stories, these days eh?  
Wufei- um yeah, something like that.  
Tea cup- well, gee, golly ,whiz, there isn't any fire, but listening to me make dumb remarks for a few million years could pass under torture  
Wufei- true...but then again, I lived with 4 gay guys, you have no idea how many dumb remarks I have put up with. " quatre, where did you put my cheery leg shaver?", " heero ,you better tell me where you put my pink striped thong!" whine, whine, whine, the whining never stops in that house.  
* authors note- as you can tell, I pretty much think that all the gundam boys are gay *  
Tea cup- poo, well you can't ENJOY being here. You still have to be punished for your pink butterfly tattoo, and rubbing on a gundam .So I will send you back to earth.  
Wufei-...YOU CAN'T DO THAT!   
Tea cup- wait, your right, I can't...But Satan can!  
Wufei- I thought you just said that YOU were Satan  
Tea cup- you believed that Satan was a TEA CUP?! HAHA, anyways...I will take you to Satan, and he will either let you stay or send you back to earth  
Wufei- uh, ok.  
Tea cup- follow me...  
::The tea cup spins around and around and black smoke cloud sucks wufei and the tea up under ground::  
::Tea cup throws up on wufei ::  
Tea cup- hate going down here  
Wufei- ew!  
Barbie- HI! I'M BARBIE!   
Wufei- oh god no.  
Tea cup- meat Satan, wufei.  
Barbie- HI THERE WUFEI, WANNA HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR FAVORITE TOY?  
:: Wufei's mouth drops open and he starts to silently vomit. ::  
Barbie- COME ON WUFEI, LETS GO TO THE PLAY HOUSE! YOU CAN EVEN MEET KEN!!  
Wufei- wow wait, I thought you said Satan was a boy tea cup.  
Tea cup- well he is-  
:: Barbie grabs her skirt and pulls it up, * cough* anyways HE is not wearing boxers so its extremely evident that he is a boy ::  
Barbie- SEE? I'M A PRETTY LITTLE BOY!!!  
:: Wufei goes back to silently vomiting ::  
Tea cup- did a mention that ken is also a boy...well...kind of one...he got a hold of some kitchen knifes, and he wanted to be a little girl so...he-  
Wufei- please spare me the details...  
:: Barbie grabs wufei's hand and drags him to a giant play house thing::  
Ken- YO, WHAT UP HOMMIE?!   
:: Wufei twitches ::  
Wufei- you're the guy that-that-  
Ken- THAT CUT OFF HIS LIL WEEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEE  
Wufei- you could put it that way..  
Ken- I'm the best lil Kim wannabe there is!   
Wufei- you know what, going back to earth sounds good right about now.  
Ken- whatta hear me sing bullshit?!  
Wufei-...  
Barbie- oh stop it ken, I think hes starting to like you!  
Ken- what to see the coo ass cutting job I did?  
Wufei- N-  
Ken grabs his skirt like Barbie did and pulls it up, and...and...well what do you think a guy that cut off his dick with kitchen knifes would look like...  
Now think about that image  
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. think about it longer.  
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do you have that image in your head yet? No? damn keep trying  
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YOU GOT IT?! YAY!! Now keep it in your mind   
Tea cup- anyways...we have to send wufei back to earth  
Ken- NO!  
:: ken grabs wufei and hugs him, wufei starts the silently vomiting thing again::  
Barbie- LIKE WHY DO WE HAVE TO LET THE CUTE LITTLE WUFEI GO?  
Tea cup- he enjoys it here! He cant enjoy it here! He has to be punished for his pink butterfly tattoo on his butt!  
Ken- I WANNA SEE!  
:: ken pulls down wufei's pants::  
ken- ohh pretty  
Wufei- AH! GET AWAY FROM ME!!  
Ken- hehe  
Barbie- OH LIKE TOTALLY A BUMMER DUDE! ALL RIGHTY THOUGH, I LIKE SEEE YOUR POINT MAN.   
:: Barbie starts doing the chicken dance and boom wufei is back on earth::  
Duo- WUFEI?! YOUR ALIVE?!  
Wufei- like totally!  
Duo- wha?  
Wufei- like yaaaa  
Duo- ...you turned into a vally girl....  
Wufei- say whaattt ,girlfriend?  
  
In Hell  
Tea cup- hehehe, ETERNAL PUNISHMENT! MUAHAHA   
  
  
  
The end?  
Anyway...that was weird wasn't it? If you didn't get it, wufei turned into Barbie on earth for eternal punishment for his pink butterfly tattoo on his ass. Heh...anyways you think I should give up this fan fic thing? I mean I think I'm loosing my touch, its' not as funny anymore, well maybe it is. I donno... oh and note that noin hasn't been that " went bad" it was more wufei after the 1st fic. ^ sigh^   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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